I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED.
(Before I continue, my best friend wants me to warn you that reading this without any prior knowledge of the Sins Past story-arc may alter your perception of Gwen Stacy and the sanity of the Marvel universe in general)
AKA the series where Gwen Stacy can be described by the following GIF-
Sins Past is an 9-issue story arc published in late 2004.
What’s it about?
In a few words: Gwen Stacy fucked Norman Osborn and had his accelerated-aging goblin babies.
Yes. You read that correctly.
did the do
wit h Norman Osborne
and his weird 50-year-old-white-guy-cornrow-things.
Which in all fairness, is pretty fucking weird, considering Gwen is most likely underage and Norman is obviously aware of this and rich enough to afford some form of contraceptives.
And if that doesn’t give you the heebie jeebies, I want you right now to imagine the MCU characters in this scenario.
That’s right. Emma Stone getting freaky in the sheets with Willem Dafoe.
And if sleeping with your boyfriend’s arch nemesis slash best friend’s dad isn’t morally corrupt enough; She gets preggos from his unnatural and most likely glow in the dark Green Goblin spermatozoon!
So our little homewrecker goes to Paris for a convenient nine month vacation to, you know, be pregnant and give birth… and Peter is left none the wiser. (Cough. Three points for the boy genius).
Gwen has twins, a boy and a girl, named Gabriel and Sarah.
So, if you know anything about Gwen Stacy’s storyline, you’re probably thinking “… Wait a second… The Green Goblin is supposed to kill Gwen, not impregnate her.”
Yes. Yes, you would be absolutely correct. And what’s sick is that that doesn’tfucking change.
You see, Gwen (despite being a cheating and lying psycho bitch) decides to come clean to Peter.
And when we say ‘come clean’ we mean: “Hey, I’m going to tell Peter… but I’m going to tell him they’re his kids and maybe we can raise them together!”
(Solid plan, Gwen. Considering your boyfriend still lives in Queens with his Aunt and can barely get through school. But I’m sure raising two babies is nothing compared to that trigonometry test you have tomorrow.)
Norman finds out about this and he’s all “Fuck no. These are my spawn. MY HEIRS." And in a fit of anger, kills the mother of his children in the way we all know and love; on the Brooklyn bridge.
SO YOU MUST BE THINKING “WELL THAT’S PRETTY FUCKED UP.”
AND YOU’D BE RIGHT.
BUT IT’S NOT FUCKING OVER.
Because Gabriel and Sarah have inherited Norman’s “Goblin blood”, they age at an accelerated rate.
So within about three years… they’re the same age as Peter.
And since, you know, Norman just happens to tell them Spider-Man killed their mother, they naturally go after him.
SO IT CAN’T GET MORE MESSED UP THAN THIS RIGHT?
In order to find out if the twins are actually Gwen’s, Peter goES TO HERGRAVE AND DIGS UP HER DEAD BODY FROM SIX FUCKING FEET UNDER TO GET A DNA SAMPLE.
AND SCREAMS WHILE DOING IT.
SO tHEN AT thE END, Peter’s telling MJ about this and what does she have to say?
SHE FUCKING KNEW ABOUT IT THE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME!
So why is Sins Past possibly the worst Spider-Man story to ever exist? Besides it’s blatant creepiness, it just rips the entirety of Gwen’s character apart and makes her internship at OSCORP in the movie suddenly very shady.
It’s absolutely unrealistic and unbelievable for the innocent and smart Ms. Stacy to sleep with someone who’s not only about three times her age but also… you know… evil.
Not to mention, there’s absolutely no way Peter considered all the ways to get a sample of Gwen’s DNA and thought “No you know what… disrupting her place of rest is the best way to go about this.”
Lessons to be learned from this? Don’t use a characters vagina as a plot device.
(made rebloggable by request of littlewolf1275)